


Tomorrow Will Be Kinder

by TonySnark (Sherlocked729)



Category: Lost
Genre: Basically everyone is sad, Basically everything that happened to them was real, Canon Compliant, F/M, Making This Up As I Go, Sad Kate, Sad Sawyer, Survivor Guilt, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, but i try, no church ending, this is not a happy story
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-28
Updated: 2018-11-21
Packaged: 2019-08-08 16:25:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16432856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sherlocked729/pseuds/TonySnark
Summary: Kate and Sawyer took the Ajira flight back to the states and got situated back into normal life, thanks to Richard. However, they're both keeping secrets from each other and they're both suffering in not-so-silence. They wanted to get back home so bad, but what if their life isn't as great as they had hoped? Can they help each other to cope before it's too late?





	1. Mother

**Author's Note:**

> Not my first Lost fic but it is my first post-Lost fanfic. If you're just going to criticize, don't bother commenting, otherwise, positive comments give me life.
> 
> Also, this fic is basically everything on the island being real, no one's dead except the ones that have already died on The Island like Jack and Charlie, etc.

**.     .    .**

**_Hush now baby, baby, don't you cry._ **   
**_Mama's gonna make all your nightmares come true._ **   
**_Mama's gonna put all her fears into you._ **   
**_Mama's gonna keep you right here under her wing._ **   
**_She won't let you fly, but she might let you sing_ **

**_\- Pink Floyd, "Mother"_ **

 

**______________________________________________________________ **

 

 

_“I love you.”_

_Jack’s tear-filled eyes searched her own and he smiled._

_“I love you…”_

_Then, suddenly, the ground rumbles and shakes beneath them, and Jack suddenly falls into the water with a dead Not-Locke, and she’s trying to run off the cliff to join both of them when she felt arms around her, holding her back…_

Kate screamed Jack’s name in the darkness now, hot tears flooding her face as she realizes she’s sobbing. She knew consciously that he hadn’t actually fallen off the cliff, but it was a trick of her own mind, twisting her nightmares to make them worse.

She suddenly felt strong arms around her, embracing her but she turned away, feeling both embarrassed that she was crying and ashamed that she was weak. The arms pulled her closer again and this time she gave in, breathing in the cedarwood scent that could only belong to James.

Now Kate is reminded of the day Libby died and she had tried to cry privately but Sawyer wouldn’t let her grieve alone. He had slid into her seat and held her, just like he was holding her now, her hands entangled once around his arm as she half lay against him.

“It’s just a bad dream, Freckles…” he whispered softly.

They had been living together for about three months now since they returned from The Island, Richard having vouched for all of them and helping them to get another blank slate to start their new lives again. Even in those three months, the nicknames they had given to each other still stuck like glue to them; it had been one of the harder things to shake and they had both struggled to simply call each other by their real names half the time.

Somehow, it made things easier, relationship-wise. They knew when the other person was being serious about something if they used their real name.

Kate swallowed another sob hard but it came out shakily anyway. She closed her eyes and tried to calm herself down. “I-It felt so r-real. It was real, James.”

He leaned down and planted a lingering kiss to her hair. “Wanna tell me about it?”

Kate shook her head, just like she did every time he had asked. She had become good at keeping things to herself around him, better now that Jack wasn’t around. He was half her problem though. She didn’t want to tell James that; it would only upset him.

He sighed, still holding her close before he laid back down, gently bringing her with him so her head rested on his chest. James lifted her chin and kissed her lips before cupping her face softly and gently wiping away her tears.

She gave a weak smile and kissed his lips. Kate searched his face before she glanced over at the clock.

5:30 a.m.

“I promised my mom I would see her today. Do you want to come with?”

He smirked. “Do you want me to, Freckles?”

Kate wiped her tears away now and chuckled softly. “You can if you want. I told her about you.”

She felt him tense now underneath her, his smirk disappearing. “You did, did you? What did you tell her about me?”

She kissed his lips again before she stood up, letting the sheets drop from her naked body before she rubbed the sleep out of her eyes. “I told her how you protected me, on The Island… and she knows how much you mean to me. I didn’t tell her anything about your past, James. Don’t worry.”

He seemed to relax now and he nodded once, watching her apprehensively. “I actually have somethin’ I need to do today too.”

Kate looked at him playfully and smirked. “Want me to come?”

He now looked almost ashamed. He looked down at the sheets and shook his head. “No, I gotta do this on my own, Kate.”

She searched his face and nodded, realizing they were both keeping secrets from each other now. She didn’t want to push him to tell her if he didn’t want to. “I’m going to go shower and get ready. What time do you think you’ll be back home?”

The word “home” had become a foreign term between them. Right now, their “home” was her house she had bought with the Oceanic money so she and Aaron could live under a proper roof together.

It hurt to live here, though. Jack used to live here with her, and now Sawyer was in his place, and Aaron was gone.

“I’ll be home for dinner.”

Kate felt her stomach tighten. That was all day that he’d be gone. She felt uneasy being alone for that long. On the island, she was never alone unless she wanted to be, and now that she was off the island, she never wanted to be alone.

She bit her lip but she nodded, forcing a smile. “Okay. No problem.” She headed into the bathroom and half-closed the door before she turned the shower on and stepped inside.

She had been showering for about ten minutes when she heard a soft knock on the door and then heard it open.

“Hey, Kate…” He trailed off before he cleared his throat. “We’re okay, ain’t we? I mean… you’re okay with me doin’ this today?”

She was glad that he couldn’t see her right now. “Yes, James. It’s fine, really. Do what you gotta do.”

“Okay, then.” She heard the reluctance in his voice but then heard him walk back into the bedroom.

She wished that he would come with her to talk to her mother but she also knew about his past life. If he had things that he didn’t want her to know about, she could relate to that, and maybe even respect it. It didn’t make things easier for her and she knew that she was going to need answers about what he was doing, but she also didn’t want to make things more difficult for him either.

She finished showering a few minutes later and dried off, got dressed, put her hair up and then walked out into the bedroom to see Sawyer getting out of bed and heading for the shower. She turned to him.

“You could’ve showered with me…”

He shrugged, his body tense. “I figured I’d let you have your privacy, be alone with your thoughts.”

She looked down as she put her phone in her pocket. “Do you want to be alone with yours?”

He glanced back at her, his hand on the bathroom knob. He gave her a half smile. “Have a good time with your mother, Shortcake. I’ll see you for dinner later,” then as an afterthought, “Be careful, all right?”

She felt touched at his request, feeling like they were back on the island again. “You too, James.”

He nodded and disappeared into the bathroom. She sighed and slipped her shoes on before she walked out of the house and drove towards the diner her mother was still working at. She had beat her cancer and Kate had offered to give her money from the Oceanic settlement so she’d be set for life, but her mother refused and had decided to go back to her job.

She met her mother at the diner and sat down on one of the stools. She felt her heart sink into her stomach when she saw a bruise on her mom’s arm when she delivered her a cup of coffee.

Kate’s brows furrowed and she gently grabbed her arm.  “Mom… what’s this? Again? You can’t be serious.”

Her mother rolled her eyes and shook her head. “Calm down, Katherine. I just slipped and hit my arm on the bathroom sink trying to catch myself. Really… you have such a flair for the dramatic.”

Kate felt anger inside of her again, just like on the day when she found out about her father hurting her mother. She leaned forward. “ _I’m_ dramatic? You’re the one straight out of a Lifetime movie. Why do you do this to yourself, mom? Do you hate yourself that much?”

“Katherine!” Her mother scolded. “You will not speak to me like that again. Now drink your coffee before it gets cold.”

She wasn’t in the mood for coffee anymore but she sipped it. She just wanted to leave, having déjà vu about being here in the same situation all over again, just with a different man abusing her mother. Kate searched her mom’s face.

“You need to get away from him. Come to my place for a while… you’ll be safe there!”

Her mother pursed her lips and changed the subject. “How is your man, Katherine? You two doing all right?”

Kate knew what her mother was doing but there wasn’t anything she could do about it. She sighed.  “Yes, mom. We’re fine.”

“Good… what was his name again? Jim? Jack…?”

Kate tensed at the name and had to hide her hands under the counter so no one would see them shaking. “James. His name is James, momma.”

“James, yes. That’s right… I apologize, Katherine. My memory isn’t what it used to be.”

Kate shook her head dismissively before she looked at her mother, standing up and putting more than enough money on the counter for her coffee. “Thanks but I need to go.”

“Go where, Katherine? You only just got here…”

“Around. Does it really matter?”

Her mother moved closer to her and gently tucked back one of her locks of hair behind Kate’s ears. “Yes, it does matter. I just want to be sure you’re going to stay out of trouble. We don’t want a repeat of last time.”

Kate tensed and moved away from her mother. “Last time? You mean where you called the cops on me because I was protecting you from Wayne?”

Her mother looked hurt by the comment but gave Kate a stern look. “You leave him alone, Katherine. Do you understand?”

Kate hated how her mother could read her so well. She wanted to protect her mother and would go to great lengths to do it, but last time she had paid the price for it. She clenched her jaw, looking at her mother challengingly as she grabbed her keys.

“Don’t worry, mom. I wouldn’t want you to call the cops on me again.” She turned and walked out of the diner before going back to her car.

She started it up and started to drive but tears were impairing her vision as she cried. She drove for another mile or so before she pulled into the gas station and finally let loose again, feeling glad that Sawyer hadn’t come with her after all. Kate hated crying in front of him; he had seen her cry enough on the island to know that she was weak.

She cried when she was sad, but mostly when she was angry, and it gave her away. Their first month off the island had been the hardest; she had cried for Jack just like James had cried for Juliet and they had spent two more months trying to be more comfortable and vulnerable around each other.

She wiped her tears from her cheeks and tried to pull herself together, swallowing back a sob. It felt like nothing and everything had changed at the same time. She thought about calling Claire to see how she was doing, but also to see how Aaron was doing as well. Kate picked up her phone and cleared her throat as she dialed Claire’s mother (unsure how situated she had become again when she had gotten back to her mother).

“Hello?”

Kate’s words struggled in her throat when she heard the familiar Australian accent. She hung up quickly and felt her tears come at her full force all over again. She couldn’t go see them; her guilt was too much. Sure, she had brought Claire back with her, but at what cost? She was learning how to be a mother all over again, and then she heard Locke’s voice in her head.

_“I had a mother, just like everyone. She was a very disturbed woman. And, as a result of that, I had some growing pains. Problems that I'm still trying to work my way through. Problems that could have been avoided had things been different.”_

Would Aaron have growing pains? Would Claire be able to get over her time on the island? At the time when Not-Locke was telling her this, he thought he was crazy, but she also knew he was right because she was feeling her own problems that she was still trying to work through thanks to her own mother.

When Kate was younger, her mother dealt with problems by denying their existence or pretending they weren’t there. She didn’t have an outlet to express her frustrations towards Wayne and what he was doing to her mother, so she killed him. To her, this solved the problem; it hadn’t occurred to her, of course, that it would lead to other problems.

She ran her fingers through her hair and took a shaky breath, slowly calming herself down again. Kate decided to head home, clean the house a bit, do some laundry, and wait for Sawyer to come back again.

Waiting for him to come back from an expedition on The Island had been her life. Some things never change.


	2. broken

**.     .     .**

**_I like that you're broken_ **   
**_Broken like me_**   
**_Maybe that makes me a fool_ **   
**_I like that you're lonely_ **   
**_Lonely like me_ **   
**_I could be lonely with you_ **

****

**_\- lovelytheband, “broken”_ **

****

______________________________________________________________

Kate felt anxious and antsy as she took out the dry laundry that consisted of both her clothes and Sawyer’s, and put them in the basket before carrying it towards the bedroom. She never in a million years saw herself being so domestic. When she had been living alone before her arrest, she barely did her own laundry, and now she couldn’t imagine not doing it. It had become a part of her therapy to escape the loneliness she felt when James wasn’t around.

She tried not to wonder where he had went as she folded his jeans up methodically and placed them in the dresser drawer. When she got to his grey sweater, she couldn’t stop herself before she brought it to her face and breathed it in, closing her eyes.

Obviously the smell reminded her of James, but it also reminded her of other men she had slept with or even just hugged.

_Jack._

_Kevin._

_Tom._

_Charlie._

_Sayid._

_Boone._

_Michael._

_Miles._

_Richard._

It reminded her of The Island.  It reminded of all those she had left behind, all those who had died way before their time.

She took a deep breath, determined not to cry again. She was being stupid. She should be grateful she was off that goddamn island, no longer being terrorized by Others, boars, insane brothers with grudges, and military personnel.

She should be grateful to be here, safe.

But she wasn’t. All she could think about these days were how she had survived and better people than her like Sun and Jin and Charlie hadn’t. It was a knife she constantly felt stuck in her ribcage every second of every day.

It was getting out of hand. She needed to talk to someone about it. She finished folding and putting away the clothes before she pulled out her phone and went through her contact list, biting her lip before she let her phone dial the number that Richard had put in there right before parting ways with all of them.

“Kate? What’s wrong?” His voice sounded genuinely concerned, which made her chest ache.

She cleared her throat. “What? No, nothing’s wrong. Promise…”

“Oh, well… good. How are you doing, Kate?”

She swallowed hard. Maybe it was just the need to feel that physical contact with someone familiar from the Island, or maybe just to let the knife twist harder and deeper inside of her that stopped her from hanging up.

“All right, I guess. You?”

“That’s a loaded question, to be honest. Why are you calling?” It was curiosity, not malice that laced Richard’s voice.

“I need to see you again. Talk… are you in town, by any chance?”

A momentary pause.

“I can be by tomorrow. Where would you like to meet up?”

“I can meet wherever you are when you get here. I don’t think it would be a good idea if you came by here,” Kate spoke honestly, getting more and more nervous.

“All right, Kate,” Richard spoke in that calm, matter-of-fact voice he usually had. “I’ll text you where I am when I get there.  Are you okay? I mean… James isn’t…” he trailed off.

It took Kate a few moments before she realized what he was actually asking. She couldn’t blame him; this was the first time in three months that she was calling him.

“No, no. He’s been… he’s been great. I could just… really use a friend right now. I’ll see you tomorrow. Thank you, Richard.”

“Of course, Kate. See you tomorrow.”

She hung up and breathed a sigh of relief. She didn’t know why she had a heavy feeling in her gut; it wasn’t as if she was planning on sleeping with the guy. She didn’t deny she had a strange attraction, however, to Ricardos. Then again, she felt like she was attracted to, or had a close friendship with most men.

She nearly jumped out of her skin when she heard the front door open and close. Kate took another deep breath and collected herself together before making her way out into the hallway.

“H-Hey, you’re home early. I haven’t even started dinner.”

James smirked, walking over to her and kissed her forehead before lingering there for several minutes before moving away again. “That’s all right, Freckles. How did everythin’ with your mom go? Honky dory?”

She gave a weak smile and shrugged. “It probably could have gone better. She’s still just as frustrating as she was before,” Kate answered honestly, feeling too exhausted to lie about her mother.

“Oh yeah? Tell me about it?” James asked as he went to the fridge and grabbed a beer.

Kate wasn’t going to nag him about drinking around 4 in the afternoon on a weekday. It was 5 o’clock somewhere and she figured whatever he had to do must have been stressful for him. Anyway, she had drank in the morning before so she would be a hypocrite.

She watched him and then walked over to James before she wrapped her arms around him.

“She’s seeing another guy who’s abusive. It’s like she didn’t learn the first time.”

Kate felt him tense up under her hold and watched him take a sip of beer before he turned around to face her, a concerned look on his face, his eyes laced with anger. She felt like she could read his mind.

“Is that so?” His jaw clenched and she could see the muscle twitch.

She looked up at him, warning in her eyes. “Don’t even think about it, James.”

“Think about what?” He relaxed slightly, taking another drink of his beer. “I ain’t thinkin’ about nothing, Kate. Only how your momma doesn’t deserve that shit, that’s all.”

“I know she doesn’t. Let me handle it.”

He raised an eyebrow at her. “Handle it? And how are you gonna do that? Blow him up again, just like your daddy?”

She shrugged, feeling bad for having seriously considered it after seeing his reaction. “If I have to…”

James let out a humorless chuckle and shook his head. “What, you have so much fun runnin’ from the law the first time that you wanna do it all over again, Freckles?” His smirk had disappeared now and a worrying look replaced it.

She sighed, running her fingers through her hair before she looked up at him. “I need to save her, James. She doesn’t get it, but I need to protect her.”

“That isn’t the only way to do, Kate.”

“Weren’t you the one who was ready to go over there and do the job yourself a few minutes ago?” Kate scoffed.

He sighed but shook his head. “I was upset on your behalf, but I ain’t about to run over there and turn on the gas in his house. There’s better ways to handle these situations. Let’s start with a restrainin’ order, shall we?”

She scoffed again and looked at him in disbelief. “A restraining order? You really think that’s going to stop this guy from going after her? He broke her wrist, James! They live together!”

He threw his arms up. “We’re here for a reason, Freckles. That ain’t to murder every asshole in the world. It’s not our jobs!”

“Do you even know who you sound like?”

James clenched his jaw. “I don’t care. We’re here to start our lives over! With each other! Right now. There’s no more Jack, no more… Not-Locke. All that’s behind us! Let’s leave the past in the past, Kate.”

His words and the mention of his name stung unexpectedly. She swallowed hard, feeling tears well in her eyes again. She pushed him hard but he barely moved.

“I can’t just sit here and play House! I need to do something, Sawyer! I can’t shut myself off like you can. I can’t forget what I am! I can’t leave my past in my past like you!”

She was yelling at him but she felt the hot tears again. She angrily wiped them away.

He looked almost guilty now, quiet for several moments. Then it turned into sadness. “If you don’t want to play House, then why did ya? You could’ve told me to leave as soon as we got here, but you pretended for three months.”

“I never pretended to love you, James.”

“Bullshit. That’s bullshit, Freckles. You still love _him_. You still love Jack, and you’ll always love him, and that ain’t gonna change just because we left an Island and came back here. I know what you are, and you ain’t no murderer; that’s what you do but that don’t mean that’s what you are.”

He grabbed his beer and his bag, and then started upstairs to their bedroom and shut the door. She soon heard the television upstairs and swallowed back a sob. She was a murderer, because that’s what she did.

She didn’t feel hungry but she made him something he could reheat whenever he wanted and put it in the fridge before she tidied up the living room and headed upstairs about a couple hours later. She opened the door and saw the television was still on but James had fallen asleep, a book on his chest and his glasses still on his face.

Kate felt her heart swell with love and admiration. She walked over to his side of the bed and grabbed the book before bookmarking it and laid it on the bedside table before carefully taking off his glasses and laying them on the book. She moved back onto the bed but didn’t lay on it.

She looked down at her hands and it was only now when she noticed something sticking out of his bag. Kate glanced back at him before looking down at the bag again and lifted the top up off it.

Inside was a picture drawn in crayon with four figures in front of two houses. One had red hair, one brown hair, one blonde and brown hair, and another, shorter red haired figure. She felt her heart get caught in her throat.

It was Cassidy, Clementine, Kate, and Sawyer.

She forced herself not to cry this time. She wasn’t upset about the picture. It was the fact that he didn’t tell her where he had gone that upset her the most.

Nothing had changed since they got back. The two of them were back to their same mistakes. They were back at square one.

She put it away and rubbed her tired eyes before she looked at James to see him looking at her now, just as tiredly. He reached out and gently grabbed her hand before he ran his thumb over her skin affectionately.

“I really didn’t pretend to love you. I never pretended that, James,” Kate spoke quietly. “I just… can’t forget about him, about Jack, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love you.”

He searched her face but nodded. “I know. I was just upset when I told you that. I feel like I can never compete with him, even when he’s long gone.”

“You don’t have any competition, James. I’m with you.”

“You got my back, Freckles?” He whispered, running his fingers through her hair as she curled into his body.

Kate Austen felt another surge of guilt fill her. This had been his and Juliet’s saying with each other. The fact that he was using it with her made her feel like she had competition with Juliet as well.

“Yes, James. I’ve got your back.”


End file.
